XxxdivinexxX (xxdivine) wrote in bleeding_fae,

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I've noticed lately how much people cry out for help but in silent ways. I've notice lately people have been clinging to me because they are scared of something or they just want love that I can't give them. People want to many things and I don't know how to give people what they want. When someone comes over it usually ends up in me giving my body to them and the next time the call or try to get ahold of me i don't answer.. I ignore them because i have nothing left to give. My whole life story remains a secret and when someone tries to get close to me I think they are dumb for caring.
I've been diagnosed with an Atrial Septal Defect.. a hole in the upper part of my heart.. I can't afford surgery and my substance abuse makes it worse.. I've been experiencing symptoms and I've been told if not taken care of I will die of heart failure... and as scared as I am of dying.. I don't think i could care less. I don't know how to live each day like i'm dying basically because each day i live i spend my time looking for drugs and alcohol anyway way to get high to make me feel..normal?
Maybe I'm going crazy, or maybe i don't know how to deal with the things thrown my way.. or maybe i'm just to die and be forgotten because i have nothing else to live.
If i died.. do you think anyone would miss me?
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